Butterfly Kisses

Butterfly Kisses　蝶吻

　　My newlywed husband said the same thing every morning. “You’re beautiful today.”

　　One glance in the mirror revealed that it was far from the truth.

　　A skinny girl with mashed hair on one side of her head and no makeup smiled back at me. I could feel my sticky morning breath.

　　“Liar,” I shot back with a grin.

　　It was my usual response. My mother’s first husband was not a kind man and the harsh words we heard growing up took root. I had trouble seeing myself as someone of value. I had been married two years when I surprised myself. My husband wrapped his arms around me and told me I was beautiful.

　　“Thank you,” I said.

　　The same thin girl with the mousy brown hair still stared back at me in the mirror, but somehow the words had finally blossomed in my heart.

　　A lot of years have passed. My husband has grey in his hair. I’m no longer skinny. Last week I woke up and my husband’s face was inches from mine.

　　“What are you doing?” I asked.

　　I covered my mouth, trying to hide my morning breath. He reached down and kissed my face.

　　“What I do every morning,” he said.

　　He leaves in the early hours of the morning while I sleep. When he left, I rolled over and hugged my pillow. I envisioned the picture of me lightly snoring with my mouth open and giggled.

　　What a man! My husband understands my past. He’s been beside me as I’ve grown from an unsure young girl to a confident woman, mother, speaker and author.

　　But I’m not sure that he understands the part he played in that transition. The words I heard growing up pierced my soul, yet his words pierced even deeper.

　　This Anniversary Day I plan to wake early. I want to tell Richard how much I love him. He may look in the mirror and see an extra pound or two, or wish for the day when his hair was dark and curly, but all I’ll see is the man who saw something in me when I couldn’t see it myself, and who leaves butterfly kisses, even after twentythree years of marriage.

　　我的新婚丈夫每天早晨都对我说出同样的话：“你今天真美。”

　　只要往镜子里一看就可以知道他说的根本不是事实。

　　镜中的女孩瘦瘦的，乱乱的头发倒向头的一侧，没有化妆，正微笑地望着我。我还能感到早晨起来嘴里不大好闻的气味。

　　“说谎。”我咧着嘴笑，回敬了他一句。

　　我总是这样回敬我的丈夫。我母亲的第一个丈夫可不是个善良的男人，成长过程中我们听到的刺耳的话语也扎根在我心底。我难以把自己看做一个有价值的人。结婚两年后我感到了惊讶。我的丈夫双臂拥着我告诉我，我长得很美丽。

　　“谢谢你。”我说。

　　镜子里面一个同样瘦弱，一头灰棕色头发的女孩在盯着我，但是这句话终于在我的心中开花了。

　　许多年过去了。我的丈夫已经长出了灰发。我也不再是瘦瘦的小女孩。上周一天清晨我醒来时，丈夫的脸离我只有几英寸。

　　“你在干什么？”我问。

　　我捂住嘴，不想让他闻到嘴里的气味。他俯身过来亲吻我的脸。

　　“做我每天早晨都做的事。”他说。

　　清晨他常常在我还在熟睡的时候，就得离开家。当他离开后，我在床上翻过身去，抱着枕头。我想象着自己睡觉时轻轻打鼾，嘴巴还微微张着的样子，不禁咯咯笑了。